- Thursday, 29 January 2015

Rebounds

I've taken my makeup off, my contact lenses are out and the grandad glasses have made their daily appearance, my retainers are in and I am well and truly in pyjama mode. AKA, I know nothing is 'happening' tonight and that's fine, I'm perfectly content with a hot chocolate and my book, but other people might not be so fine with that. Why do I say this? Well, let me tell you.

Rebounds.

I don't feel like being a rebound, but what's making me write this is the fact that the same goes for my friends. Rebounds are a strange concept: you get together with someone just to make yourself [forget?] that you are no longer with a certain someone else. That, in theory, makes you both feel rubbish. 1) You are reminding yourself that you're not with that other person and 2) the new one knows they are simply serving a purpose (and deep down you know this too).

So why do we accept our occasional role as rebounds?

There are a number of reasons, but I want to talk about living in the moment. Living in the moment is the whole concept behind this intensely popular (and thankfully brief) YOLO phase - you only live once, therefore you should be reckless and do things you wouldn't otherwise do. Jump off a cliff? Yolo, but your one life (yoLO) will be a whole lot shorter if you do.

That's not the point.

We like memories of moments; humans are hedonistic beings - we live for and enjoy pleasure. You spend a night snuggling with someone, it's nice, you have a nice memory to keep even if it's followed by poop. The poop follow is the main issue I have with rebounding, simply because of seeing how rubbish it makes people (people who are important to me and who I care about) feel. There is nothing wrong with it as long as you acknowledge the nature of whatever is going on. In the vast (VAST) majority of cases, both parties involved will be 100% fine if you both understand that this cuddly squish is a rebound type quest for affection. The memory is untainted and you have both had a pleasant time and can move on with your lives without undue worry or concern over what is meant to happen next.

This is only fine if you both know that *nothing* is meant to happen next. Either that, or you both know that something is meant to happen next. The only rule is that both people must agree on the whole 'next' situation - it isn't fair for one to find out by way of being ignored or blanked by the other, or indeed to tell them by doing the ignoring or blanking. If you do/have done this (looking at you), you are a big ol' dough brain and a bit of a knob. I'm fairly confident we have all been in at least one of these situations, quite possibly both.

The point is that rebounds are fine, they let you feel free (which is a positive thing if that's exactly what you need) and they provide two (more?) people with a nice memory and they can sometimes (warning: NOT every time, I repeat NOT) make you feel a whole lot better. That is, only providing a mutually understood level of communication is maintained.

Therefore if you have read this far, please be nice to your rebounds and please be a nice rebound. It's not all bad.


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