- Saturday, 25 April 2015

Mi Casa No Es Su Casa

This post was written and saved as a draft months and months ago and I've just found it when digging through old unpublished posts, so thought I may as well publish it now.

In many cases, "what's mine is yours". Mi casa es su casa. You know how it goes. In some cases, however, what's mine is mine only and you can't have it. You can't share it, you can't want it, you don't get a look in because this thing is mine and definitely not yours. Some things are mine for a while, and then they can be yours after a while, but some are mine indefinitely and I expect you to remember that.

Cryptic as this may seem, it does make sense in my mind. Basically, there are some things in life which are just not a big deal at all and some things which are, and it can be hard to see where the difference is for other people besides yourself. Or can it? Often, if you actually pay attention, it's really blindingly obvious, and all you have to do is listen and notice.

People lay claim to things very easily. It can happen in the smallest of situations: if you're queueing for food somewhere and the person in front of you takes the last slice of cake, or the sandwich you had your eye on. If you go to park your car where you always do and become irrationally irked because somebody else has parked in 'your' space. If you mention that you like ('like' like) someone and then somebody else goes for them.

The last of those three scenarios is probably the one that people remember the most and make the most out of, perhaps because it means the most. It happens a lot throughout school, in teenagerdom and in general young-adulthood and can be the cause of countless arguments or friendship breakups (sidenote: if this breaks up your friendship then 1: you seriously need to sort out your priorities and 2: you probably weren't that great friends anyway if you can lose it all that easily. Also 3: it may be that your friend is a massive douchebag). It may well happen later in life too, I don't know. I'm going to say it causes more problems amongst girls than boys, just because that's what seems to me to be true but it could be completely off the mark, so if it is then I'm sorry.

So why is it such a big deal? Maybe because teenage girls have raging hormones flying around all the time and maybe because teenagerhood is very romance/relationship-centric and maybe because everyone has different levels of experience so feel they need to prove themselves, I don't know, it could be anything. A lot of it seems to come down to two main things: sensitivity and competitiveness.

I mean sensitivity in the sense of listening to and remembering what people say, who they like and so on. It's also picking up on social cues which might suggest they're not happy with the way you're acting or what you've done or how you're dealing with situations. Sensitivity is basically just being a nice friend, and it's really not hard. Anyone can recognise when actions don't go hand in hand with being a nice friend - if something you want to do doesn't go along with that, just don't do it. You can restrain yourself.

Competitiveness is all about proving yourself. People who establish themselves as a top dog often feel the need to keep up appearances and maintain their position or reputation or how they think they should be perceived and seen by others. This, paired with a lack of sensitivity, all too frequently leads to a purposeful 'swooping in' just because they know they can.

The thing to remember is that they're not doing it to be horrible or spiteful or anything like that, it's almost always based on insecurity resulting in them feeling like they need to do these things to stay up top and maintain some authority or respect. Obviously that is a load of bull and they'd earn loads more respect if they let other people have a chance and didn't stick a finger in every pie, nabbing their friends' chances are interested in and flattening any opportunities those friends had in the process. It's not entirely their fault because they don't realise that it's hurting other people, but at the same time it really doesn't take a lot to realise these things and twig that it's just not fair.

What's mine is yours and I'm your friend, of course, but when I'm treasuring what's mine, I don't want it to be jeopardised so I'm sorry if it's harsh but it's just not yours.

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